I lost myself ....

I've tried to write this letter to you so many times and each time I sat at my computer paralyzed with anxiety. For the longest time I felt like a failure for feeling this way. How can I, the optimist and motivator, be paralyzed by anxiety. I'm not an anxious person, at least I didn't use to be. Menopause changed everything.

Everyone talks about the dreaded hot flashes (which do suck and feel like an internal inferno) and the weight gain, but nobody talks about the other side effects: anxiety, panic attacks, depression, paralysis, listlessness and so much more. For the past 2 years it feels like my very essence was being stripped off me, piece by piece and I was drowning in an abyss again.

The first time was after my son was born and I experienced postpartum depression. I didn't understand at the time that the drop in progesterone was causing me to feel so low, drowning in deep black water. Again, no one really discusses the why and how. Instead, a quick prescription of antidepressants is prescribed; or in my case, you are told how you are overwhelmed with parenting. It was exercise and triathlon that brought me back to life. The exercise re-balanced my hormones and triathlon gave me purpose with a new identity. And in turn, helped me help 1000's of women find there purpose again.

Exercise didn't work this time. Every tool I acquired and mastered in the past was failing me. A run no longer quieted the negative voices in my head. A hard HIIT workout didn't leave me full of endorphins. And, yes, the scale kept climbing even though my diet is balanced with no processed foods. I was doing "all the right things." How can I be a leader to my community when everything I knew and did, didn't work? How can I preach about consistency and habit stacking when I couldn't get out of bed? The sheer idea of responding to a text message sent me into an spiral of anxiety. 

It was my first full panic attack that made me realize whatever was happening to me was out of my control and I needed help.

Over the past 2 years I  learned what menopause is, besides the end of your menstrual cycle, and how to start finding myself again. I owe you an apology for being so absent. From late responses to texts and email messages, to ghosting on the comments page on the website, to not sending regular emails to you to stay connected.  I am deeply sorry for abandoning you these past 2 years.

I can say I am truly starting to feel like myself again. It's taken a network of professionals and research to find my way back. And just like post kids, this is a new period of transformation and understanding of who I am in this stage of life. 

Going into 2026 I want to share what I've learned, starting with the 7 key steps I took to regain control of my life. 

~ Amy xo